Dear Fanfiction
by IluvSeverusSnape
Summary: The character's write to fanfiction authors with a few complaints. Continued of april-babe16's work, with her permission.
1. Chapter 1

**april-babe16 started this, but they gave up. So I've come to finish what she left off!**

**Hope you enjoy it!**

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><p>Dear Fanfiction,<p>

Fred died. Yes, my twin fool left me incomplete and slightly depressed, but I did not commit suicide! You can write about us as you like (apart from when using the words "shy, serious, evil" when you describe us) but please stop writing about me making out with Hermione, or Fred making out with Draco.

That's just wrong. We are not gay, contrary to your deranged belief.

Nor would we make out with our brother's wife.

Yours Ridiculously,

George Weasley.


	2. Chapter 2

**a****pril-babe16's original work. I've just adapted a sequel. See if you can guess the character before you read the bottom of the letter.**

**Hope you enjoy it!**

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><p>Dear Fanfiction,<p>

I was not evil, though I did much wrong. I did not venture onto the dark side, or decide to create horcruxes, nor was I terrified of death. I chose to quest after the Hallows foolishly. I _certainly _did **not **impregnate Severus or Ms Granger by rape, nor did I have an affair with Lord Voldemort. Yes, I was gay, but I never found a suitable partner, unfortunately; Grindelwald was straight. I also did not create a mutant monster to crush all the students, nor did I kill Igor Karakoff.

If you doubt me because I wanted to conquer death, I assure you I gave up on that, an now I am most definitely dead, because Severus bravely killed me, after we agreed on it. He may be a greasy Death Eater, but he died for love.

Yours Sincerely,

Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore (deceased).

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><p><em>AN: Yes, I have actually read a piece where Dumbledore creates a mutant monster, and one that he makes Snape pregnant (rather creepy one, that)._


	3. Chapter 3

**Awfully sorry it's taken so long, I've had loads of exams. Anyway, this is originally april-babe16 story, and I continued it on.**

**Here's the long awaited chapter. **

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><p>Dear Fanfiction,<p>

I have always loved Lily Evans, whatever you may think about my personality. No, I did not date Bellatrix Lestrange, because a) she was way too old for me, b) i never gave her any thought, c) she was the deranged and hated cousin of Padfoot. Alright, so I may have got on with a few girls before Lily, but I had always loved her. Just because my patronus didn't change like Snivellus', doesn't mean I didn't love her.

I died to save Lily and Harry, because I loved them both, not because I was an emo-goth who wished nothing less than suicide. Or that I was a vampire, who is immortal, and I didn't die when Voldemort shot his spell at me. Stop writing about that. Seriously.I was a talented, good looking wizard. End of.

Yours Un-Sincerely,

James Potter

PS: Stop writing about me being cruel to Snape! He was a greasy idiot devoted to Dark Arts, and we know what happened to him...

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><p><em>Just for reference, I didn't mean any of that about Snape. Snape is my favourite character. I'd also like to say that such fanfics exist. Don't blame the terrible ideas on me.<em>


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm feeling Marauder era, so here goes.**

**Story originally april-babe16's**

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><p>Dear Fanfiction,<p>

I'd like to say I've had enough of you. Stop writing about me dating Lily! Not only is it becoming a cliché, but it's actually quite offensive! Lily was a friend, nothing the Potter's deaths, I didn't meet Harry until his third year, so how on earth could I have adopted him? I didn't have two girls with Sirius either, I'm not gay. Tonks is actually emitting steam in anger, now.

Teddy Tonks was my son, and no, we didn't have a hybrid daughter called Vitamins. What sane person names their child Vitamins?

I was a werewolf, yes. I died, yes. I'd like to take a moment to point out that werewolves are not immortal, like vampires, so stop bringing me back to life, and rubbing it in my face that I'm a werewolf. I never took pride in that, you know!

Yours Quite-Angrily,

Remus Lupin


	5. Chapter 5

**I don't know what I was thinking when I did this one. Belongs to april-babe16 originally.**

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><p>Dear Fanfiction,<p>

I may have liked cats, but I did not have interspecies relations with one! That is a totally unacceptable source of material! You muggles have no respect for authority. If you insist on writing about me, do it so it does not include me being You-Know-Who's heir, me adopting Mr Potter, or anything of that content. I stayed with the Ministry all the way. No, I did not sleep with Severus Snape, that is unimaginable. Extremely unimaginable. Now that you think about it, I'd go for the cat.

I am not a squib, just because I did not recognise the Veritaserum,. Anyone could have made that mistake. I find it offensive that the small amount of stories including me, show me as an intolerable cow! I am a nice person, who expects discipline.

Yours Sincerely,

Dolores Jane Umbridge


	6. Chapter 6

**Really, really sorry it's been so long, my bad, please forgive me. So in fact, I'll give you two new chapters!**

**On request, I'm doing Neville. I know april-babe16 already did one, but eh, there you go.**

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><p>Dear Fanfiction,<p>

Just because I had a toad named Trevor, it doesn't mean you can write stories about my father having a toad named Terry, Tim, or Tom. That's just mean.

Yes, I know I married Hannah Abbott, and you all thought I'd run off into the sunset with Luna. Truth is that times change. Luna wanted to complete her quest to find Crumple-headed Snorckacks, and to be honest, I just wasn't up for it. I'm sure she's happy. I think so anyway.

I started as Herbology teacher in Hogwarts, but I did not date any students. That's not right, in many ways. Like I said, I married Hannah (like it or not).

Yours Sincerely,

Neville Longbottom

PS: I did not date Tonks!


	7. Chapter 7

**Yo, this is originally april-babe16's**

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><p>Dear Mr Fanfiction writer, sir!<p>

I know that youse muggles do not know much about the magic, but why is there not any stories about us brave and wonderful house elves, sir? We's have died hero dyings, sir. We's want whole stories wrote about we. We do not want to klean beds only in stories. We don't want to be evil either, sir.

Dobby was very brave. He was a good elf. Miss Bellatrix should not have stuck a knife in his stomach. Even baby house elves know knives are for cutting food.

Yours Sincerleys,

All of the house elves


	8. Chapter 8

**Give april-babe16 the credit for the original story. and me the reviews for amazing writing '_'**

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><p><strong><strong>Dear Fanfiction,

I know I will never understand muggles, from dress sense to fighting style, but _fanfiction?_ It's almost disgraceful, the stuff you write about me. The most you write about me (which is very little) is very insulting. 'Constant vigilance' is not the only word on my tongue, and I would appreciate more stories on my past as a brave warrior, rather than stories about my '_disabilities'_.

I didn't sleep with Umbridge, you big numpties, so shut up about that,

May you die a painful death,

Mad-eye Moody

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><p><strong>I know this is a disgraceful thing to say, but could I have more character requests? I'm running out of inspiration. Characters and their complaints in your reviews would make my day. :)<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you for all your suggestions. This is one that really grabbed my attention(and made me laugh), so thank you more than ever, especially MadHatter524, and their intrests on drapplel

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><p>Dear fanfiction,<p>

Time and time and time again, I have sneered at your atrocious attempts to recreate my superior character, but you push a man too far! Never in my life -even after being paired with Neville Longbottom, Snape, Weasley Filth, Scarface, Mudblood Granger, Young Female Weasley Filth- had I ever expected DRAPPLE!

You muggles should learn respect! You really think I would take pleasure from A GREEN APPLE? True, you're tainted version of me in the movies is often seen eating a green apple, so I'd like to waste your time, filthy muggles, by pointing out that an apple has EVEN MUDDIER BLOOD THAN GRANGER!

May you burn, die and rot in hell,

Draco Malfoy.

PS: I don't need reminding from such inferior creatures that revolting green apples do not posses blood!

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><p>Keep your requests in the reviews coming, I have not forgotten the previous requests either!<p> 


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